The Expat Identity Crisis: How Living Abroad Can Change Who You Are

Moving overseas often leads to a loss of cultural identity, but it also challenges you to create a new version of yourself.

Every month, I meet with a group of British women in New York City. Many of them have been in the States for years. We exchange advice, restaurant recommendations, and stories. They remind me of the things I miss most about the UK: Yorkshire tea, British humor, and Warburton’s bread.

Living abroad is an incredible experience, unlike any other, but as the years go by (and they seem to go by faster and faster), I find it harder to reconnect with the country I was born in. It was a shock when I realized that I’ve lived more years outside of the UK than I have in it. 

Having lived abroad for so long and being married to a non-Brit, I often feel like I’m clinging to my roots by my fingernails. When I visit my family in Cumbria, it takes a few days to adjust. All my worlds collide but slowly, my Northern accent returns, and I fall into the easy banter of the neighbors I grew up with, slipping into British life like an old pair of slippers.

The expat identity crisis

Most people who live abroad experience some form of identity crisis. Studies by Bas-Sarmiento and colleagues (2017) show that expats often experience a sense of disconnect from their cultural roots, language, and values. This is because as an expat, you’re constantly having to learn about and adapt to your new environment causing a change in your identity.

It’s referred to as an ‘expat identity crisis,’ a shift that often happens after the honeymoon phase of living in a new country. As humans, we have an inherent need to belong. When you live in a place where everything is new—where you don’t understand the customs, the language, or the unspoken social rules—you begin to feel like you don’t belong anywhere. What was once certain becomes blurry, and you start questioning your values and belief systems.

This was particularly true for me during the two years I lived in Japan. Though the experience was exhilarating, the linguistic and cultural isolation took its toll and made me question where I truly belong.

Questioning your sense of self

As we adapt to new places and cultures, we also lose parts of the identity we once held onto so firmly. Living abroad, especially long-term, creates a tug-of-war between old and new, home and away.

It’s a privilege to have the choice to live in different countries, but with that privilege comes the emotional challenge of redefining who you are as you leave your old life behind and start to build a new one. Society, culture, and community influence how you see yourself, and for expats, this change is inevitable.

For example, a professional who held a high-ranking position in their home country may find that in their host country, they’re seen differently, leading to feeling more or less empowered or valued and they may begin to question their self-worth and career identity. 

Another example is moving to a country that has different social norms which can challenge an expats long-held beliefs. When I left England at 21 as a (somewhat - thanks Dad!) independent woman, experiencing the collective culture and emphasis on family in other countries was in stark contrast to my value of autonomy. It made me question my priorities and my sense of self within relationships. 

Building your new identity 

I remember the first time I was able to walk into an ‘izakaya’ (a casual Japanese restaurant) by myself and order the exact dishes I wanted. I didn’t need my Japanese friends or a bilingual colleague to translate and order for me, I did it by myself in Japanese. (Did I mention I did it by myself?)

That evening I went home feeling like a champion. While it was just a few sentences, it was so much more than that - it was proof that I could survive in a new country. It gave me confidence and independence, and I developed a new identity as a person who could easily learn a new language. 

This is just one example and over the years there have been many more, both positive and negative. Every country I’ve lived in has taught me something new about myself and that growth has led me to the person I am today. 

Returning ‘home’: a new kind of shock

Last summer, I was on a flight coming back from the UK, and the lady next to me started chatting. I talked about living abroad and at one point, she asked me: “Do you still feel English?” 

The question caught me off guard and I brushed it off. But later, I thought about it more deeply. 

Did I? (And what does it mean to feel English anyway?)

I certainly felt it when cheering for England during the UEFA semi-finals and if my tea consumption is anything to go by, then yes, I’m still British at heart.

But each time I visit the UK, I’m a little more removed from its culture. With every passing year abroad, my connection fades just a bit more. Yet, I know if I eventually return permanently, I’ll experience something else familiar to many long-term expats: reverse culture shock - the emotional impact of returning home after living overseas for years. 

Perhaps a topic for another article!

Questions:

• Have you experienced an expat identity crisis?

• How did you handle it?

• What advice would you give someone to overcome it?