Midlife Reset: Losing Ambition and Finding New Purpose

"Karen is talkative, but a hard worker. She is ambitious in her career plans and if she continues at this pace, I have no doubt she will experience success in whatever she chooses to do."

This is a snippet from my 1995 school report. Back then, when I was preparing for university, ambition and career success went hand in hand. I don’t remember questioning what success meant to me personally - just that it was about passing exams, getting into university, and getting a good job. 

Security. Family. A retirement plan. 

Today, the career landscape is completely different. Many of us are quitting the long hours and guaranteed paychecks for content creation, side hustles, and remote working. 

According to the Upwork Research Institute, a staggering 38% of the U.S. workforce, or 64 million Americans, performed freelance work in 2023. More than half (52%) of all Gen Z professionals surveyed freelanced, compared to 44% of Millennials, 30% of Gen X, and 26% of Boomers. 

Interestingly, a McKinsey survey showed a significant increase in parents choosing freelance or gig work for flexibility and work-life balance, with 45% of parents more likely to start a new business than their non-parent counterparts.  

Why? For many of us (myself included), we're exhausted and the definition of success has become more about health, wellbeing, and flexibility. 

As someone who is now in their mid-40s with two children living overseas, I see the appeal. In my teens, twenties, and early thirties, I did not. 

Back then, I wanted the corner office, the awards, the accolades, and the boss’ recognition. I wanted an annual promotion, a salary increase, and to publish a book every year. 

And why not? I had the energy and a lot of time to focus on my career. The concept of burnout wasn’t on my radar. I worked long hours, went out in the evening to network and party, and was back in the office early the next day, ready to go. 

Yet, as I approach midlife - or middlesence - priorities change, usually as a result of a major life change such as having children, moving, health issues, or death of a parent. During this time, many of us question our core values and reassess what’s important in life. 

It's not surprising people refer to it as a midlife crisis. When a successful career has been a part of your identity for so long, it's disconcerting to discover you're no longer as motivated or driven. You question your value, sense of purpose, and what brings life satisfaction. 

In addition, we're coping with the aging process. Physical changes such as weight gain and health issues as well as cognitive decline can lead to low self-esteem and lack of motivation making it harder to stick to healthy habits. Often, we mistake lack of ambition for exhaustion as the midlife experiences grind us down. 

Many female midlifers are at their busiest managing children, or elderly parents. They’re often at the peak of their career and usually trying to run a household as well. Stressors can also include financial worries or family issues (Moving our whole lives from Dubai to the USA and settling children into a new school system and environment, while exciting, definitely took a toll.)

While personal growth and a fresh start is usually on the other side, this scrutiny of our souls can take a toll on our mental health (and physical health) forcing us to step outside of our comfort zone. 

Personally, accepting this new stage in life was the most challenging part. I didn’t want to let go of the old me - I wanted to hold on to what I knew and have the energy to do everything I wanted. But if midlife taught me anything, it is that being more selective is a powerful lesson. 

Yet, once we do come out on the other side, there is also a lot of freedom as we start to sift through what’s important to us and what we value. We look for meaning and purpose beyond career success and start to question life on a deeper level.

Today, midlife feels like a new chapter with lots of opportunities ahead. 

So is ambition still important to me? 

Absolutely. It’s not just measured in terms of climbing the career ladder. 

Some days, success is simply writing a hundred words and getting dinner on the table. Other days, it's signing up five new clients, getting an amazing book review, and attending my kid's school event. (Why is school stuff always in the middle of the day?!) 

It took time to understand activities that gave me energy (such as walks / work outs / good sleep etc) need to be prioritized. In early adulthood, I said yes to many things and there was little consequence. Now, if I have one or two late nights I struggle the next day - it's hard to be creative or have fun with your kids when you're sleep deprived.  

As my kids grow older, I realize just how quickly their childhood passes. Suddenly, answering emails during snack time doesn't seem that urgent. Despite this, I still battle against the societal messages glorifying constant ambition and success. #Bossbabe, hustle culture, and 'having it all' still lure me in occasionally and I can never resist a good productivity hack to get more done in less time. 

Ultimately though, these middle years have given me a lot to think about in terms of my general health, my creative projects, and my personal goals. I love teaching my writing programs and I've also taken a lot of pleasure in some of my volunteer projects such as organizing the Young Writers' Program for a local school or running the Brits in NYC bookclub. 

Paid work still plays a crucial role but volunteer work allowed me to be ambitious in a more fulfilling way. 

The more I talk to other people in middle age, I realize I'm not alone. A career change, going to graduate school, taking early retirement or becoming a successful entrepreneur have been a turning point for many older adults as they navigate this time period. 

While it can be a confusing time, it's also the perfect time for growth and to explore our true self. We just need to give ourselves permission to go against conventional wisdom and seek out new forms of success.  

Has your ambition fluctuated over the years?

Have you had to redefine what success looks like?